Dear Leta

Dear Leta, 7 months have gone by since we said good bye to you. Today Mommy took a walk down to the river. I seem very drawn to the river lately. I sat on the bank and stared into the water thinking about you. I don't really know how to feel right now. I know that the penetrating sadness of the last few months is lifting a bit. But I look around at the world and think of all the things I wanted to show you. I picked out a smooth tiny river rock to put in your memory box. I imagine that rock has had a very rough journey, much like you and I. It's been worn down by the current until it was smooth and round, no longer carrying it's rough edges. Maybe that's how I feel. Not numb exactly, just smoothed out. Worn down by the current of this last year.
The leaves are starting to turn. They hung yellow over the water. I picked one for your memory box. The leaves are turning, the seasons are changing. Soon it will be winter. Icy like the day you came into this world. I keep hoping that each month will bring change within me. I am searching for peace after my world was broken and ripped apart.
Seven months seems to have gone past slowly, living each day on this planet without you. Seven months Leta.
Last night, Mommy was missing you so much. I read "Good Night Moon" to your brothers and sisters, and you. The story made me think of you. I know your little spirit is all around us. In the stars, the breeze, the air. I love you so much My tiny little daughter. Good night stars, good night air, good night noises, everywhere.
I love you Leta Blue
Love Mommy